A Lesson from Capt'n DonJonLongDeck

"Watch for t' wigglin' and rapidly steer your prow fore." Capt'n DonJonLongDeck

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Capt'n DonJonLongDeck has be gracious enough to provide a lesson for our members...

Arr, Me Vagina Whispering Hearties,  

T' Women love ye Pirate... Last night, I was at t' was at a littl' party, it was a group o' beautiful hipsters, a smatterin' o' artists, and one Amaroti Pirate in t' crowd trawlin' for booty... some very fine booty for sure.  As Amaroti Pirates we have been taught that a good effort is better than a grand exit... So we never abandon ship.  

Today, I will offer ye bilge rats a smatterin' o' me efforts, one in particular that may help.  Capt'n Zan has given us our orders; one written in beautiful prose, that "Life is a Dance."  It is in this profound thought that lay the path t' grand treaayes... yes the booty of ye eayes is in t' Dance o' Life.  

Arr, but here is me lesson... I spotted a glowin' bronze beauty wigglin' impatiently across t' room... Avast, what a beauty... My hornpipe was tinglin' smartly.  She had shaply thin legs t' depth o' t' Atlantic wrapped in tight dark denim that landed on a rollin' fertile island wit' a narrow shoreline sweepin' t' petite pronounced hills firmly peakin' t' the sky.  Dark black flora that glowed in t' moonlight.  Ahoy, Prepare to be boarded... Now, put ye grog down mates, and listen carefully.

T' wigglin' means she has t' dance in her body... t' Dance o' Life, mates... T' wigglin' is a sign callin' t' Amaroti Pirate... Ahoy, ya' must have t' Dance o' Life as well... Be a Dancin' Amorati Pirate.

She was a wigglin' to t' music tryin' to get her mate to move with her, but he was a hipster bung hole and couldn't see to it.  Now keep in mind this was not a dancin' venue and t' squeamish, t' hipster, and t' self-conscious are afraid of t' Dance o' Life.  At the perfect moment, I began to dance with myself near t' beauty of me eayes, t' only mate dancin' in fact.  I saw from her movement that she must dance, she could not stop movin'.  In a mere fraction of a minute t' Ol' Sea Dog had her in hand... she came to me, before I could approach... she was lured into my quarters by t' Dance o' Life.  

T' rest is future history...   

T' lesson of t' story?  Watch for t' wigglin' and rapidly steer your prow fore.

Fair Winds, Me CVA Hearties, I am

Capt'n DonJonLongDeck of t' Frigate Bootylicious 

Mysterious Probe Spotted Retreating from Urvaginus

"We have a gentleman's agreement; I will probe Urvaginus first,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - MoBoho University Asstronomers spotted a mysterious X-shaped probe beating a hasty retreat from Urvaginus trailing Interstellar Spermal Streamers. Close inspection of the image, captured by NASA's Hubble Telescope, indicates that the probe may be property of Virgin Intergalactic, owned by Sir Richard “The De-Virginator” Branson. If true, the penetration of Urvaginus and premature retraction would be a breech of contract with DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy over landing rights to the Planet. 

Asstronomers at MoBoho University recently discovered the Planet nestled in the Tain'tisphere of Uranus. DonJonVonavich, MoBoho Dean of Students, dubbed the new planet "Urvaginus," and hailed it a "Life Affirming Discovery." Adding, "Trust me, I will live long enough to land this Mons Pubis laden Planet."

Within weeks of the discovery, DonJon announced a joint venture with Branson to land an Interstellar Probe on Urvaginus. The New Corporation, MoVirgin Inter-Urvaginus, was incorporated and Branson dedicated his largest Probe to the project. Initial tests of his Probe resulted in premature fuel tank ejaculation. DonJon is scheduled to led an Expeditionary Battalion of Certified Vagina Whisperers, known as the Fighting Carpet Munchers, to land Urvaginus. 

It is uncertain if this announcement will jeopardize the expedition. "I respect Branson as a leader in tapping Virgin territory," stated DonJon, "But, we have a gentleman's agreement; I probe Urvaginus first. It is an alluring prize, if he is only thinking with his Interstellar Probe he will easily be drawn into the tain'tisphere of the Planet. Once the tain'tisphere is penetrated, he can't resist landing his Probe." When asked if his Probe and the Planet had any contact, Branson answered, "Uh, I don't know what your talking about... Uh, probe Urvaginus? Uh, no of course not... Uh, why do you ask?"

Urvaginus has been embroiled in controversy from the beginning of it's discovery. The Log Cabin Tea Baggers for Christ have denounce it as "Liberal Goddess Worshiping Pseudo-Socio-Commie-Science Propaganda," and claimed their Theostronomers had discovered Urpenis tucked tightly in the Tain'tisphere of Uranus.

Links:

NASA - Hubble Space Telescope - http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/hubble/science/asteroid-20100202.html

University of Arizona HiRISE Project: http://hirise.lpl.arizona.edu/PSP_007962_2635